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Running Away from OR Dealing with!

Are you Running Away from OR Dealing with the Problem(s)?

There is a saying I have heard repeatedly by people who say, ‘my life is a mess and I want to start all over again’. I am impressed hearing such statements that a person has realised that their life is worthier than what they are living. I follow this up with lots of questions such as ‘what is the mess?’, ‘how do you want your life to be instead?’; ‘what actions have you taken?’; 'what aspects of the plan needs amending'; ‘how ready and committed are you to challenge yourself?’, ‘when do you want to start?’, ‘how would you know you have started all over?’

I hear many responses. I will focus on ONE of them that is ‘I just want to move house, or village or city or country’. Fair enough! That's a good idea. Psychologists have said that our environment significantly influence and impact our outcomes in life. I follow this up with further questions to explore their belief systems and mindset. Some people say they do not consider their beliefs and mindsets to play a part and had not thought of changing them. Others said they knew their lives would improve if they alter some of their beliefs and mindset, but did not know how and where to get the help without being judged. It is disheartening knowing that one can get appropriate support from everywhere even at the comfort of their home through phone or video calls, in-person and so on.

I resonate with this quote, “No matter where you go, there you are.” ~Confucius

My analyses are that when a person wants to run away from the problem(s) with the same attitudes, belief systems and mindsets, that problem(s) will repeat themselves as the core of the issue has not been dealt with. This becomes a vicious cycle. You can choose to alter the belief systems and mindsets that do not support your growth. Adapting a supportive belief system and growth mindset will augment your perception about the mess. Instead of seeing the 'mess' as a problem, you would consider it as 'learning opportunities' or 'life lessons'. You need to remember that your safety is paramount and choose wisely.

There is a common saying that ‘people run away from themselves’. In fact, people rarely run away from themselves even when they have nothing to run to. People either run to something or they run away from something. For instance, running away from abuse from their circle; from overwhelming responsibilities; massive debts; recently diagnosed illness with limited possibilities of treatment; carer who has become vicious; children who have become intolerable; avoiding parenting responsibility by abandoning spouse and children as they don’t want to grow up and join the real world.

Signs you are running AWAY from Instead of DEALING the Problems in your life

👉 You are always trying to change the subject.

👉 You use unhealthy coping strategies such as using substances, alcohol, smoking … to feel better instantly.

👉 You like to ‘get away’ as often as possible.

👉 You concentrate a lot on others rather than yourself.

👉 You make new friends often, but don’t keep them close to you.

👉 You say you will ‘do it tomorrow…’ every other day.

How to STOP running away from and START dealing with the Problems

1 Identify the problem

Practice self-awareness

Take time to think

Get some perspective

Stop trying to escape

2 Face the problem

Work up your courage

Forgive yourself for your mistakes

Don’t victimise yourself

Don’t take yourself too seriously

Reflect on the principles and values that are important to you

Practice self-empowerment

Consider getting professional help

Have a plan

3 Moving Forward

Practice mindfulness

Deal with problems as they arise

Keep a journal

Be true to yourself

Be patient


Nelly Kwasinwi

Transformational Life & Mental Fitness Coach

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