ENDING THE BLAME GAME: How to accept and relate more to yourself and others
This information could be generalised. The background is from #Cameroonians and #Africans.
Blaming is #emotional abuse either to oneself or to others. #Blame may stem from negative past #experiences ranging from childhood abuse, neglect, unsupportive #environment, lack of #attention, #sexual and #physical #abuse.
You feel hurt, angry, betrayed, abandoned, rejected, disapproved and more. You develop fear to talk about your feelings and emotions as they are ‘unspoken’.
You listen to people who tell you who you are, what to do and not do, how to do and not do, and why. Unnoticed, you gradually forget who you truly are and rely on other people’s perceptions about you.
Without developing the necessary life skills to stand up for yourself, you depend on others even when you feel uncomfortable around them. You decide and internalise the negative experiences and associate them to things, events, and people.
You create a story in your head and give it meaning. You remind yourself regularly of the story that feels real in your head. Your internal world is distorted from external reality.
You develop self-doubt; jealousy, envy, not enough, worthless; self-criticism; poor self-care and self-harm; and shame, guilt, and anxiety. he negative opinions about yourself increases slowly and they get chronic and toxic.
There are various reasons why people blame others:
🚩it is easy to shift responsibility;
🚩it works well as a defence mechanism;
🚩when they are losing control;
🚩to protect their fragile ego;
🚩lack of courage to express themselves;
🚩when they cannot meet the high expectations;
Once you feel shame, you degrade yourself and develop an inadequate mindset and limiting beliefs. You blame yourself and this significantly affect the way you relate to yourself and to others. You feel hurt, complain, blame other people. This impairs inter-personal relationships and pushes people away.
Blame increases your perceived inadequacies, creates tension and resentment and the attention is diverted from the original issue. It paralyses us from moving forward.
Stressful situations may be triggers to blame. You feel anxious, overwhelmed thoughts, past trauma, unmet expectations, and responsibilities.
Identify your behaviours, reactions, and responses in past situations either good/positive/healthy or bad/negative/unhealthy. Notice common patterns.
Ask yourself!
❓ What type of relationship do you want to have with yourself?
❓ How do you want your relationship with others to be?
❓ What aspects of your life do you have to change to be the person you are meant to be?
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