ENDING THE BLAME GAME: How to accept and relate more to yourself and others
This information could be generalised. The background is from Cameroonians and Africans.
Growing up as a child, there were certain roles, stereotypes, discriminations, and behaviours you learnt from your parents, families, and community through observations and what you heard. These traditional patterns seemed ‘natural’, ‘normal’ and ‘unspoken’.
Men and women are a pair of separate genders whose cultures and religions assigned roles, norms, expectations, and responsibilities.
Many lessons were learnt in the pre-Colonial era and passed down many generations. Our forefathers internalised and created stories in their heads that formed their values, beliefs, and mindsets.
🚩Lessons include African’s patriarchal societies are dominated by men; men deserve respect; women and children are ‘things’ to be used and controlled; marriage was to have legitimate children especially sons to maintain the men’s family lineages, status, and wealth; marriage was the union of two families not for pleasure nor personal fulfilment; divorce brought disgrace to families; men could have multiple relationships to satisfy their sexual desires and biologically spread their seeds to ensure the survival of their species. Multiple relationships (polygamy) were introduced as remedy for infant mortality, infertility, menopause, pregnancy and nursing, social exclusion, source of labour from women and children, taking care of the widows, more.
👉Most women prefer the traditional patterns. Due to financial constraints, they work to contribute to the household income. Today, women are in employments. Some women want to raise families and careers at the same time. Some women are career driven and prefer not to have children.
👉Some men do not provide for their families; men are in multiple relationships; men struggle to manage their emotions and tend to be aggression, violence, addiction; few men are willing to engage in personal development and rely on their ego’s defence mechanisms. Traditional African men consider ‘stay at home dads’ to have lost their pride and social status.
The gender roles have clearly been blurred and the patterns might not have changed much in terms of overall opinion, it is mainly from personal beliefs.
👉Parents love their children. However, parents’ inability to manage their emotions infiltrate into their relationships with children. Children are not equipped with skills to deal with life’s daily challenges. Children want parents to love, care, play and listen to them, feel accepted and valued.
Every man is a King👑; every woman is a Queen👒. When they are treated with respect and acceptance, they feel inspired, and their essence radiate. Whereas, when they feel violated, they develop coping strategies that can be destructive.
Kings and Queens still maintain the mentality of the hunter-gatherer era. They developed the victim mentality, shy away from their responsibilities as they cannot meet the expectations, and blame others as it feels easier.
Kings, Queens, and Children 👨👩👧👧 share common problems that influence and affect each other, including hurt, betrayal, frustration, unhappiness, insecurity, and fears. They desire happiness, to love and be loved, and to be authentic.
❓Ask yourself and be honest. ❓
Q: Why you play the blame game? What happened that you started blaming? When was the last time you blamed? How long will you continue blaming? and What do you need to stop the blame game?
Write down all the roles you play in life; the ‘expected’ responsibilities; differentiate your current from ideal responsibilities; What things do you do when no one is watching?
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